1.) The first thing that I need to do is to change my thesis around. Professor DeGenaro said it was very good, but I just need to steer away from making it sound like a five paragrapg essay thesis. I already have an idea in mind.
2.) The second thing that I want to change is making the body paragraphs follow the P-I-E format better. I tried to do this in the rough draft, but I need to improve on what I have already done. I have a clear idea of what needs to be done.
3.) The last thing that I want to do add is more vivid details. I have established a good tone for the paper, I just need some more details. The more details, the better!
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